“I don’t do feedback.”

“I don’t do feedback,” my new boss announced during our first formal meeting about an upcoming project.

I had recently led several high-profile projects for him, and earning his admiration, he invited me to a larger, more challenging project. The work promised to be rigorous and detailed—exhausting yet professionally rewarding.

He continued, “Just so you know—I think you do great work. I wouldn’t have offered you this key role otherwise. But I’m not good at giving feedback. So, I’ll say it now: ‘You’re doing a good job.’ That’s why I recruited you. That’s about all the feedback I give.”

Well, darn.

This was disheartening. I had worked diligently to foster a culture of feedback among my own team, and the thought of accepting less felt like a compromise. Should I settle to avoid conflict and get access to this super cool project, or should I advocate for my own professional development as well as a culture of feedback that I deeply valued?

I chose to advocate. Looking him squarely in the eye, I said, “That doesn’t work for me. Feedback is crucial. I expect both positive feedback and growth feedback as we progress. And I’ll be offering you feedback as well.”

There was a pause. I was a youngish woman. He was an oldish man. Given our age and experience gap, I wondered how he would respond. Was I jeopardizing this exciting opportunity by insisting on my principles of feedback and professional development?

“Okay,” he replied, “Let’s start the project. I’ve got some ideas and I want to hear what you think.”

As we collaborated over the following months, I saw his attitude towards feedback evolve. Initially resistant, perhaps because it was new or uncomfortable, he began to embrace it, providing both commendations and constructive suggestions more naturally. I found myself congratulating him on his excellent feedback skills a few times.

In many workplaces, what may seem like an all-encompassing feedback issue often reflects deeper influences—family and class background, cultural and ethnic norms, personal experiences, disabilities, or personality traits. It’s vital to discern and value the type of feedback that resonates with different individuals, while offering gentle but firm pushes towards less comfortable areas for growth. This understanding will help tailor approaches that enhance both personal and professional progress.

Both positive encouragement and growth feedback (aka feedback for improvement) are pivotal for development.  Development is the action stage of how do we keep what we got, shift it, or make it better? I’ll discuss development in more depth in the future.

Watch for more on organizational development and human skills. Upcoming articles will share strategies aimed at fostering equitable and thriving workplaces with narratives that reflect my passion for turning workplaces from places of insecurity and competition into vibrant hubs of feedback and growth. No matter how tough it seems right now, positive transformation is within reach.

Say it, believe it, breathe it, try it.

-Evelyn Shapiro